


six.

by sstensland



Series: Tumblr Ficlets [6]
Category: Crash Pad (2017), Logan Lucky (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M, Tumblr Prompt, hurt/comfort?, idiot boys are idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-16 09:17:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16083095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sstensland/pseuds/sstensland
Summary: stensland/clyde logan + “I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.”





	six.

Divorce papers: that’s what he had come back to Boone County for. **  
**

Not the headache he’s had these past three days, not the circling conversations he’s had nearly every day, not the sight of the gold wedding band still on Clyde’s finger, and certainly not all the glares he’s gotten from friends and family when he arrived back into town. All he was here for was to get Clyde Logan to sign these damned divorce papers so he could move on with his life and get married come fall.

That was it.

He never asked for the memories that came rushing back to him, or those pestering feelings that were buried deep down inside of him, the ones he had tried to forget so long ago. The feelings that Clyde had never let go of after all these years, after what Stensland had done to him. Clyde deserves so much better than this.

Stensland curls himself into a ball, resting his head on his knees as his arms wrap around his legs. The sheets still smell of sweat and sex and Clyde. He hates himself, he should hate himself. Sleeping with his ex had not been part of the plan; it never had been. All he wants is Clyde to sign the stupid, bloody divorce papers that he’s been sending for years. This chapter of his life is over. It needs to be. He has a fiancé back in the city, thinking he’s on some business trip or something; he doesn’t remember what excuse he had told him, and if he had ever found out about this… everything he’s built up for would be gone.

He listens to the water run in the shower, where Clyde had disappeared to an hour after he pretended to fall asleep, trying to remember how they had even gotten here. All he can remember is arguing, again, with Clyde, waving the papers in his face and begging him, and then Clyde’s lips were on his, plush and soft and demanding. He tried to protest, but he forgot what this was like: how Clyde’s body felt against his, how his lips tasted, how Clyde knew every single move to make Stensland’s knees go weak. He couldn’t say no; when did he ever get so crazy as to think he could ever have?

The water in the bathroom stops and the moment Stensland’s been dreading fast approaches. He should have left when he had the chance. Should have left and forged Clyde’s signature on the papers and never have to deal with Clyde again. That’s what he should have done, but he’s still here, still in the bed and surrounding himself with the scent of the sheets, intoxicating himself with the memories he’s long since forgotten, almost forgetting why he ran all those years ago.

Stensland wraps the sheets tighter around him, attempting to cover every inch of his bare skin as if Clyde hadn’t spent hours reacquainting himself with every curve and angle of his body. As if he hadn’t enjoyed every moment of it. He didn’t want to get wrapped up in feelings, didn’t want to follow the same path he had before. He was a new person, a new Stensland: a bright, big, beautiful condor that people actually wanted to be. Everything he had been trying to forget was brought back to the surface every second he was with Clyde.

He can’t bring himself to look up when the bedroom door opens again. If he does, he knows he’s going to be in trouble.

“You’re awake.”

All Stensland can do is nod, not trusting his voice. All of this was a mistake.

A thud echoes through the room as the towel hits the floor, a drawer slides open next to him. He still can’t bring himself to look at anything other than the corner of the bed. Only when he feels the bed next to him dip down does he dare look up. Clyde’s hair is still wet, dripping down onto his shoulders, sliding down his skin, down that toned chest that Stensland is dying to touch again. He can’t.

“Stensland?”

He bites his lip as he looks back at Clyde’s face. It’s been ten years; ten long, long years since he was last in Boone County, last seen Clyde or any of the Logans. Ten years since he had felt trapped in the small town with big dreams and high hopes. Maybe Stensland had been the one in the wrong.

His heart sinks in his chest when his eyes meet Clyde’s. Every emotion Clyde’s ever felt sings in those warm brown eyes and Stensland just wants to run, again.

“I still love you, Stens. I never… I never stopped.”

His lips part, as if he were to say something, but the words get caught in this throat.

“I know I made mistakes and I screwed up. We were young, and I was an idiot for thinking you’d never leave me. I just–I just thought you could understand. That I wasn’t ready to leave. That I…I had so many plans for us. I should have talked to you more.”

“Clyde–”

“No, just. Just let me talk. I’ve been thinking about you for so long. I never thought I’d get to see you again.” He runs a hand over his hair. “Fuck, Stens. I’ll understand if you still want me to sign those papers–I will, just. Fuck. Do you understand how much I missed you? You didn’t even say anything. I woke up, and you were gone. No letter, no nothin’. I didn’t know where you were or what happened. The only thing I had that told me you were alive was the divorce papers that came in. That was two years, Stensland. Two fucking years of nothing from you. You could have at least called or something.

“Seeing you at my door two days ago was like seeing a ghost. I was hoping that you’d changed your mind, that you finally came to your senses.” He pauses, biting at his lip as he looks down at the bed. “I just hoped that you would have given me a chance.”

“Clyde.” Stensland gulps. He can’t bring himself to look at him; he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he does. He should have sent his lawyer. All of this would have been over and done with. He would be one step closer to getting married; but now, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to get married. He doesn’t know what he wants. “I never meant to hurt you. I hope you know that. There… there was a lot… and I didn’t know… I didn’t know what to do.” His voice is weak, threatening to give out on him.

A brief, pregnant silence falls between them, thick enough to slice with a knife. Stensland lets out a sigh with a shake of his head. “It would be so easy, you know, falling back into everything.” He bites his lip. “I think… I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.”

“You know, I’ll always be here for you; if you ever want me back.” Clyde places a hand on the bed next to Stensland, hesitating for just a second, debating if he should touch him. The glint of the wedding band flashes in the light, the wedding band that Clyde has never taken off after all these years. Stensland can’t look.

“You were always easy to love, Clyde.” He keeps his eyes on Clyde’s hand. “It was–none of this was ever about you.”

Stensland loosens his grip on the sheet, letting go and placing his hand over Clyde’s. So warm, so familiar. It truly would be easy to fall back into this relationship, into Clyde. He could forget everything he had in the city. He could…. he could return to this marriage. Clyde has always been accepting of him, loved him through their arguments. Maybe... Maybe if they talked more. But he couldn’t. There was Phillip, waiting for him, not knowing that he was here, not knowing what he was doing.

Everything was crashing down; he thought everything would be easy. When did he get so naive?

Clyde laces their fingers together, giving his hand a small squeeze. “I just want you to be happy. That’s all I ever wanted.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll survive; it’s what I do.” His thumb rubs against Stensland’s skin, soothing, gentle.

“None of this is fair to you. I was never fair to you.”

“Life ain’t fair.”

“Clyde–I, I think I just need some time. I know I’ve had years, but I just… I was selfish, and I forgot. You don’t… you don’t have to sign the papers. Not now, maybe later; I just… “

“It’s okay. I understand.”

He looks over at Clyde. Beautiful Clyde who’s been waiting for him for years, who deserves so much better than what Stensland has given him. “I’m so sorry. For everything.”

“Stensland, just–just stop apologizing, will ya?”

“I… okay.”

“Just, whatever your decision, let me know? Don’t shut me out again.”

Stensland nods. “I, yeah, I can do that.”

“Just know, whatever you choose, I’ll always be here for you.”


End file.
